Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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