Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
