did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
