kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize