also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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