you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize