the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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