Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
