Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
