I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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