I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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