quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize