he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
