I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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