I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
