dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
