I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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