my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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