i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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