this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so let's talk penis.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
