The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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