my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize