I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i think i just lost a toe
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
