I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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