If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize