Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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