Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
