I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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