just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
