I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
