Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
