You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
