Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
