I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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