the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
