is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
