I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
