I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
