Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize