Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
