I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
