It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize