If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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