I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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