She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
