I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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