Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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