he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
