i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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