I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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