This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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