worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
