Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
MIDGETS
????
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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