Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize