dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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