Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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