just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
