Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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