At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
