Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
