i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the day after is always just damage control
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize