New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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