just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
