My friends, they love my intelligence
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
