I'm eating all of the evidence.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
