why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
