She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
