I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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