i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
