that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
