i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
