I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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