I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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