WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
