ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
