you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
