We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize