obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
