You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
