Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
