You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
