I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
