Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
