How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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