The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
smell my finger.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
