I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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