i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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