you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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