I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
