drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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