Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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