in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
