We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize