i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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