something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
